Mar 14, 2016
Most people are afraid of retreating into themselves, of taking time to BE with themselves. Unless you're meditating, unless you're DOING something that they understand, that they can SEE, and suits there beliefs, it is rejected, feared. Perhaps meditation is something that we are adopted in the West, for this main, subconscious reason; to have a good excuse to escape our social relationships, to withdraw from our social lives. This is not the case in our home.
There comes a time - many times - when kids tire most parents, as they realize that they need time for themselves that they just don't have, since parenting is a full-time job. But I haven't seen parenting as a job, although socially, legally, financially, it SHOULD be seen as such, as it takes much inner and outer work....continuously!
It always amazes me when people around me think that there is something wrong with me for wanting "time-out", for having the need for retreating into my self, without any negative reason, without having something to solve, without something terrible having happened. "You must have a negative reason to want to withdraw". People often ask me "what's wrong" or "what happened", if they are close enough to see me "departing" into my self. They don't realize how depleting of energy their fearful attitude is.
Nepheli understands this perfectly and sees it as a necessary, quite natural desire, something that she doesn't even think about as something extra-ordinary.
She often exists in her own world, at peace with her self, totally amused, positively attuned, without worrying about her surroundings. As a baby, she already had that opportunity, as I realized early on that there was no way I could get into all of her mind. She was allowed to exist in her own images, emotions, internal dialogues, without a need to distract her from them. And there is so much that I am still learning from her internal world, which now, at 8 years old she can tell me, share with me, ONLY when she wants to and sees reason to.
Without ever discussing it on a rational basis, this is precisely my need too, which I can satisfy with her acceptance and contentment, any time I feel that withdrawing is what I need and want. The most amazing aspect of this totally different reality (for most people) is that I don't isolate myself from her. Within this inner - sacred- space, she exists equally, peacefully, for the only reason that she understands, she accepts and recognizes it. She is not "left outside", she is not seen as an "enemy" trying to get me out, she doesn't worry if I don't love her, she doesn't demand more than I can give.
It's a time of minimal action, less conversation, constricted outer/social activities, a reduction on physical satisfaction, daily chores, usual commodities. We just "get by", we do only what is necessary, excluding everything else, "forgetting" most that our bodies (don't) need to remain alive. Few if any realize what's going on internally and in our home. When we DO externalize at these times, we softly "float along", mostly as observers rather than total participants
But we have a mutual understanding. I allow and she allows. I understand and she understands. And because we both do, we meet each other "half way", naturally and without planning it, giving to each other the essence of our inner reality, without force, without obligation, without too many needless explanations. There, our discussions and any exchanges derive from a deeper, higher level of awareness, sharing most of the world is not yet ready for. Her knowledge always leaves me in awe, having never gone to school, having never been "taught" from me to have a specific world view and self view.
That which always amazes me is that my inner reality at these times matches hers, something which is revealed naturally, as we "meet" in discussions/sharing; uncensored and unlimited in any way. The topics she grasps are always aligned with my topics that I am questioning, researching, uncovering within. She never feels alone and deserted, as neither do I. The next amazing revelation is always the parallel connection with outer life. As we let go of control, directing our life, quite naturally events, people, circumstances align with us, showing us, guiding us, revealing what is needed, in ways that we, as surface egos, could never synthesize, master or control. And in perfect timing too!
I find it necessary to have achieved this inner state of peacefulness and "aloneness" when raising kids. It's too tiring and too much (needless) work to exist only on outer, surface levels of reality, teaching kids to do the same through our example, through our fear of retreating and remaining with our self.